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To our loyal followers, as we mentioned before, we are trying to turn our adventure into a television show. We have a logo and a title name. Please tell us your honest feelings on our logo. Special thanks to Justin Howie and his talents for creating our logo.

Saturday Nights Alright For Fighting.

Howdy devoted followers. It's been a few days since I got on here and posted but this past weekend has been rather eventful and I've got a fair amount to talk about so let's get to it.  Friday I spent the day finishing up my research for the UFC event on Saturday and then we made yet another exciting trip to the Hard Rock Casino to place some bets. The Hard Rock was nice enough to hand over a tidy sum of money courtesy of that wonderful fellow Mr. Djokavic and I proceeded to take that money and reinvest it in some human cock-fighters. After placing our bets we then decided that we had been in Vegas for over a week and had yet to see any of the cool shows or attractions, so it was decided that we needed to go see some shit. We found a deal that got us tickets to 2 shows at any of the MGM Casinos so we decided to go see Criss Angel's Cirque de Soleil show on Friday and the Tournament of Kings. Tanner gave you a brief overview of the Criss Angel's show which was fairly accurate. Though in all of his posters and stuff he comes off looking like a huge emo tool, in his show he is much more of a rockstar personality...whose still kind of a tool.  For instance, he wears a bandanna at all points in time and unless you are a stereotypical Mexican bandito in a movie named Paco, that is just not acceptable. He is the type of guy who cocks his hat at aggressive angles, wears Affliction clothes and probably has several pairs of white-rimmed sunglasses. He is however, a very talented magician and some of his illusions were quite impressive. His legerdemain wasn't the greatest (he's no David Blaine) but his big stuff was quite strong. He had a great take on the sawing a woman in half bit that was pulled off in such a way that the trick felt new and fresh. Most importantly, he definitely had a way of connecting with his fan base and made it feel as if he truly appreciated us coming to see him. The only gripe I have with his show at all is that, though he did perform a variety of good illusions, he was sort of a one-trick pony (magician?) in that he did the disappearing-reappearing trick like 10 different times just dressed up differently. To be sure he was brilliant at it and it was done super-quickly, but still he beat that one pony dead. Honestly though I had a great time and would recommend it to any in the area.


Saturday was the big day. We woke up and farted around until 2 at which point we went back to our old stomping ground, The Munch Bar, to watch the fights and relive our glory from last weekend. This week however, was not nearly so easy. I bet the favorites down the line on this card which I knew was a mistake from the jump and before we had even gotten our first beers we were down 2 fights. Damn upsets ruining my evening. We rallied to get back to 2-2 and but then lost again, and at 2-3 we were faced with the prospect of having to win the final 5 fights to break even. Considering the 3 of the last 5 fights were the fights I was worried about losing going into this event, I was quite unhappy at this time and if it weren't still $9 beer night I would have drowned my sorrows in alcohol. The remainder of the event was a blur of intense emotion as I watched every one of my guys pull out win after win in super tense fashion. A special thanks goes out to Mike Russow for being fatter than his opponent, Nik Lentz for deciding the best way to block punches is with his head, Rashad Evans for being superior in every facet, and the judges for accurately awarding Chael Sonnen and Chris Weidman the wins. Those lovely gentleman salvaged my night and when it was all said and done I had even won $11. Not anywhere near as good as last weekend but it's still a win and that is all that matters. So, after having taken roughly 6 months off my life in exchange for 11 bucks we proceeded to go to Little Caesars' for some cheap pizza for dinner. It happened to be right next to a Blockbuster that was going out of business so we made a pit-stop for DVD deals. I quickly found Snatch and decided it was a must buy. Tanner hasn't seen snatch in roughly 4 months so was equally excited about my purchase and we proceeded to go home and crash for the night.


Today was a great day. I slept in quite late today, exhausted from Saturday's strenuous events and then woke up and spent the day dicking around. At 5:45 we headed to the Excalibur to go see The Tournament of Kings which is basically Medieval Times. For those who don't know, Medieval Times is a dinner show where you eat while a watching knights joust and sword fight and such in the middle of a large arena. The crowd is broken up into sections to root for certain knights and we happened to have scored seats in the front row of the Dragon section. The Dragon was the evil knight of the bunch so we were essentially outnumbered 10-1 but you would have had no idea considering the ruckus we were causing. Chris, Tanner, and I were hands down the rowdiest people in the place and we carried the Dragon fans. At the beginning of the show when Merlin was trying to gauge which section was the loudest he came to Dragon section last and when he did we exploded from our chairs and went ape-shit. Picture the 3 of us just going bananas amid a group of 40 people half-heartedly applauding and you'd get a good image of it. Merlin actually looked at the 3 of us and cocked his head to the side in a sort of disbelief at how nuts we were going. Needless to say, Dragon section took home the prize and from that point on the rest of the crowd knew the were dealing with a whole different breed of awesome. As the various knights were introduced and cantered around the arena, their respective sections cheered and we booed them heartily making a strong attempt to drown their cheers out. Also, since I'm an asshole I made it a point to antagonize each of our opponents as the rode near us. Most of them just brushed it off but as I was doing the throat slash symbol and pointing towards him, the Norwegian knight (who happened to be like 16, on the reals he still had braces) stared me down and pulled a Morpheus finger-curl challenge at me. Norway was I going to let that challenge go unanswered and so for the rest of the night we made it our mission to go after the orange Norwegian. Every time he was in the spotlight or even remotely close to us we just laid into him with boos, angry yells, and family appropriate but none-the-less rude hand gestures. to be fair we did it for each of the opposing knights and some of them even responded to us but I personally went the extra mile when Orangey came around. I mean, he kept challenging me and God knows I'm not gonna back down from some puffed up, metal mouthed pre-teen. As the evening progressed the glorious Dragon Knight came out and decimated all comers. His sorcerer Mordred fired off giant balls of flame and the Dragon King laid down the law on all the poser knights, even slaying the foolish King of the tournament. It goes without saying that the best fans in the house were getting especially rowdy and our enthusiasm brought the whole Dragon section up several notches. Sadly it was not to be as the cliche pretty boy prince rose up and slew our mighty Dragon Lord in spite of our cacophonous howling. We were defeated but the show had been a smashing good time. In fact, the best part of the show came after it had concluded when Norway came out to mingle with some of the audience he apparently knew. At first we booed him even more vociferously but then I extended the olive branch, invited him over to us reached out and offered him a fist-pound. He went along with it..........but right before it happened I pulled my hand back and ran it through my hair! He never saw it coming! We laughed uncontrollably as he just shook his head in disbelief and walked off to a fresh round off boos from us. CLASSIC! (If you think the fake handshake is douchey, you are kind of right. However, its also a classic and in this particular instance it was hilarious so get over it) I only wish we could have gotten some picture but sadly photos were not allowed since they'd rather sell you them after the show for 20 bucks a pop. Well, that's the end of what was a pretty great weekend for me. I'm pretty sure my vocal chords are bleeding but I had an incredible time tonight and definitely plan on doing it again soon. Besides, who needs to talk anyway. Deuces.


-Jed

Too close for miscellaneous, switching to puns

This blog post is going to mostly be a collection of stories and observations made throughout the trip with a smattering of a few of Friday's events. First off: Las Vegas. As in Las Vegas, the television show. Before moving out here, I had never even caught a glimpse of this elusive show. I had heard rumors of its existence but it wasn't until we caught TNT at 10am Pacific Time that these rumors were confirmed. How convenient. I felt like Xibit was going to show up and say, "Yo dawg, we heard you like Las Vegas..." In addition to Las Vegas,one of the Twilight movies came on and Chris and Jed began watching in earnest. But I'm the gay one...anyway, it was at this point that Jed revealed one of the vampire chics is in his "top 5" list of women he would sleep with. Joining this undead fox is Emma Watson, aka Hermione Granger, a witch. Jed apparently takes the phrase "fantasize" quite literally.
  Friday was pretty groovy. We went to the Hard Rock so that Chris and Jed could collect their winnings and we could throw down on the Saturday fights. After that, Jed pitched the idea that we should go see some shows. A quick trip to the Excalibur for their advertised show special and the three of us locked up tickets for Criss Angel later that night as well as The Tournament of Kings on Sunday. Criss Angel was quite the illusionist. He made an entertaining show appear where a pompous tool was standing.  After the show, we decided to hit the tables. We ventured over to New York, New York in search of some elusive $5 blackjack tables. Unfortunately, all of the tables were full so we sat down at a $10 table and bought some chips. Things started off well for me...first hand was a blackjack. Long story short, I walked away with double my initial investment while Jed and Chris broke even. New York, New York was quite fun. To finish this post, I would like to share a story. Some time ago, Jed, our mutual friend Marty, and myself were watching TV when a commercial for Golden Corral came on...a commercial featuring the exhuberant excess that is the Chocolate Wonderfall. In this commercial it is advertised that one may dip anything they fancy into the rich river of liquid deliciousness. At this point, we looked at each other and, being guys, said "anything?" We quickly constructed a scenario in which some lonely fellow gingerly submerges his nether region into the Wonderfall and, when approached by whichever manager is unlucky enough to be on duty for this event, angrily shakes his fist and mutters, "You said anything." From this scene we quickly adopted the phrase, "chocolate on the dick" to be used in lieu of "icing on the cake." I am sure we can all agree that our new turn of phrase provides an added level of humor without sacrficing the intended message. Today (Saturday) is going to be awesome as we have 10 fights to watch and lots of money on the line. Until next time, don't be afraid to drop trow at the Golden Corral...metaphorically speaking ;)

Novac Can Put Me To Sleep

Just a quick update on the goings on here in Sin City.  First, as you certainly have noticed by now Chris, Tanner, and I have decided to implement both a joke of the day and a quote of the day. The joke will most likely be a terrible Tanner pun or a brilliant dagger aimed at Tanner by yours truly. This may be a horrid idea but we hope it proves entertaining. Also, just a heads up, we have received several recommendations from friends and family members suggesting that what we are doing would make a great TV show and that we should pitch it to various networks. We too agree that we are incredibly badass for our nerve and daring and feel strongly that any network  would be lucky to acquire our services, thus we have begun the process of pitching our own reality show to various TV networks. I mean after all, if the Execs at MTV think Teen Mom is viable I can't imagine that a show in which the three of us live the American dream wouldn't be wildly successful. 

Now that the news matters are taken care of, on to today's story. Now as some of you know I have long harbored desires of being a professional gambler and my primary impetus for inciting this sojourn was to ply my trade in the city where gambling is actually legal. I fancy myself highly knowledgeable about the world of mixed martial arts and have had minor success out here gambling on the outcome of fights so far. However, last night my compatriots and I decided to forge new ground in our personal world of sports betting by deciding we were Tennis aficionados as well.  For whatever reason we decided that though we know next to nothing about Tennis we were pretty sure Novac Djokavic was gonna murdalize Andy Murray on his way to the Grand Slam title, so I put my money where my dumbass mouth was and dropped a considerable sum on the Novac to advance to the finals.  12 hours later, Novac and Murray are locked in an epic struggle at 3 AM Pacific time with Murray straight hustling tiring, ailing Djockavic. Needless to say I was considerably upset at the prospect of losing a tidy sum on what I thought was a clear lock.  Midway into the 3rd set -when Murray was really hitting his stride- I gave up the money as lost and settled into a depressed slumber, sadly awaiting the announcement that I am out a bunch of money and Tanner following up with the inevitable "Looks like the  Djokes on you!" pun. Next thing I know it is 7AM and Tanner is yelling at me that the Djoker pulled it out in a 5 set nail biter. Thank God I went to bed because the life tilt I was on would have been exacerbated 100-fold had I stayed up to watch. There is a 82% chance I'd have had a coronary in the 5th set just from yelling at the TV. Luckily, none of that happened and now we are riding high here in Sin City! That Serb sure is a great guy. Until next time.

-Jed

PS: Also thought I would include a copy of the cover letter I am attaching to my applications for jobs at Casinos.

Dear Selection Committee,

I moved to Las Vegas 5 days ago on a whim and after spending a few days touring the various casinos I would like to commend you for what I consider to be the most exciting and promising hotel in a sea of thrilling opulence. In addition to my praise I would like to offer you my services.

I'm the stone cold nuts and you would be foolish not to hire me. I am hard working and dedicated and would make a wondrous addition to your team. I chose to apply to this particular casino/hotel because I found the overall scheme impressive and the ambiance alluring. If you choose to hire me I will gladly work any position and shifts available.

If you are interested in my services feel free to contact my references but I can save you some time and tell you what they will say about me. All of them will inform you that I am supremely talented if wildly narcissistic and intensely stubborn. This is all true and I'll go on to say that I have a healthy contempt for idiocy and those whom I consider fools (which happens to be a majority of the populace).

I can work 400 days a year and live on any reasonable wages. If you think I'd fit in with your organization contact me; if not, I'm sure you will be fine anyway.

Sincerely,

Jed K. Meshew II

Two dope boys and a Tanner Lange

First off, shout out to Gpizzif for the title of this post. After first meeting Tanner, I was very skeptical. He walked into my house wearing a gatsby hat, kicking pants, and fila toe shoes. The only redeeming clothing he was wearing was the shoes because I wear the same ones for running. After deciding not to judge a book by its cover, he then proceeded to tell me about his marriage. Leaning about his marriage made me laugh harder than almost any story I've ever heard. We instantly became friends after the story and a 36 hour car ride together.


Ten things I've learned about Tanner in the one week that I've known him:
1) Can turn any statement into a pun
2) Water does not fuel him only Kool-aid, rockstar, soda, or powerade
3) Swears by Sonic
4) Has the worst text message alert ever
5) Texts more than Jed and I combined (that's a feat)
6) Is sexually frustrated
7) Updates facebook like its his job
8) Loves hats
9) Is an Aspiring Comedian
10) Is a pseudo Georgia Tech Alumni


What everything boils down to for Tanner in the 8 days that I've known him is that he is the King of Puns. From now on Tanner will be referred to as King of Puns or KP.  He literally turns nearly any statement into a pun. 9/10 times these puns are an utter failure. However, they are super entertaining and watching Jed's reaction to the puns are priceless. Due to the King of Puns puns, he has swiftly become the butt of all jokes.  Jed constantly makes fun of him for being a homosexual and I throw in my two cents every once in a while. Contrary to popular belief, the King of Puns is actually not gay even though we are still not 100% certain. Let me give you an example of the many conversations between Jed and KP went like this:


(As we watch ESPN, Marie Sharapova comes on the TV for winning the semifinals in the Australian open)
Jed: I would do Marie Sherapova
KP: So would I
Jed: Yea, if she was a dude
KP: WOW, this never gets old for you


This is a typical joke between Jed and KP, it happens approximately 2-5 times per hour. Nonetheless, the King of Puns has added a very different dynamic to our trip. As I mentioned in the past, Jed and KP know each other through business. I have known for many years that Jed was very into marketing and that's how he and tanner became friends. What I am now realizing is that Jed, KP and all their business friends also dabble in other areas such as finance, accounting, consulting, etc. So clearly I am left behind often when they get knee deep into their business jargon. Lets just say that they are a little too businessy for my taste.


This has been my experience with the King of Puns thus far. I am certain that there is more to come and I look forward to it.


- Moe, Larry and Curly's adventure continues

Crackas in Venice

Disclaimer: I am writing all of my posts on my tablet so bear with me on some of this stuff. 

It's Thursday. The three of us have spent just under a week here in Vegas and it would appear that the jet lag has finally subsided. Also, I would like to apologize for the font size of my previous posts. This is my first foray into the crazy world of blogging...I'm learning as I go. I would also like to apologize for Mr. Meshew's complete disregard for the rules of grammar and writing. This has apparently offended a few of our readers. But come on. Everyone knows that when you have a degree you can ignore the rules. That is why physicists fly everywhere. Gravity doesn't mean shit to an advanced degree in physics! These last few days have been relatively uneventful...job hunting, minor betting, and numerous hustle attempts whilst sauntering about on the strip. We DID meet an aspiring rapper with a lisp though. No...it's actually funnier than you think. Wednesday, we checked out a few more casinos that we hadn't seen yet. The Hooters casino was...less than impressive to say the least. Imagine just about any Hooters you've ever been to, but bigger...with slots and poker tables jammed in there. And since it is Vegas, crank up the tackiness to 11 and add a random bird flying around inside. We came for the cheap beer and stayed for the...well, we didn't actually stay too long. I felt like if I looked hard enough I probably could have found a dirty needle or five wedged between slot machines. Pretty sketch place. And the Wednesday morning/early afternoon crew was a far cry from eye candy. The exact opposite was true of the Venetian. That place balls so hard it should be fined. The decor, the music (Phantom of the Opera), the entertainers...that shit cray. felt like I had my crackas in Venice and we were going gorillas. They even have a friggin Gondola ride with singing Gondoleers (that is what I call a Gondola pilot...deal with it). The Venetian presented a very high class ambiance which contrasted excellently with the Hooters we had just vacated. Two thumbs up. Other than that, not a lot worth mentioning. Little gambling, little exploring, lots of fun. Stay tuned and spread the word faithful readers. This weekend is going to be a doozy.

Short Vegas Stories and Miscellaneous

So during our time here we have run across some interesting things which I've decided to chronicle here in quick vignettes, occasionally with pictures to accompany.

First off:

These are a couple of pictures of the 2 lions in the lion den at the MGM as well as the lion tamer who was in there with them.  First, it is cool as hell to have a lion den even if the lions in it are adolescent.  But it is a whole new level of awesome to be a guy whose job is to be locked in a room with FUCKING lions and move them around so people can take pictures. This guy was the man.  He just walked around the room and threw chews toys at the lions and then grabbed them and flipped the over to rub their tummies.  Now I don't know this first hand but I would imagine lion tummy feels like angel-titties or golden silk or something else equally as magical. and this guy gets to rub them on the regular. Lucky bastard. and he was so nonchalant about it too.  Like it was no big deal that he gets to rub lion tummies and might get mauled to at any moment.  My envy knows no bounds.

Another guy who was equally entertaining was the gentleman Chris mentioned in his blog post who hooked us up with some sweet strip club amenities.  I wish we had a picture of him but sadly time did not allow.  However, if you just picture in your head a portly gentleman originally from Africa who is now in the employ of a Vegas strip club and hands out free promos you would probably come up with a pretty accurate image.  I only mention this guy further because of the gems of wisdom he imparted upon us and which I will now carry with me throughout the rest of this trip. Apparently it is a good idea to use condoms when having sex with Las Vegas strippers. I had no idea.  but even more importantly he informed us that "back in Africa we do not need to use condoms but here you must." I almost informed him that his line of reasoning is probably a major contributor to the AIDS epidemic in Africa but ultimately I decided I would rather not get shanked by a street hustler on the Vegas strip and so instead we nodded politely and were on our way.


The final short story is the one of my new haircut that Chris mentioned in his last blog post and which is apparently interesting enough that several people have texted me asking for a picture. So here it is:

Aside from the fact that in every picture I take (and this one in particular) I look like a stoned tard, this picture is clearly not me at my best. Looking at it you'd have no idea that I am actually a sexy manbeast.  Alas, it is the picture Tanner took so its the one I'll post here. In my defense i didn't ask to have my hair sheared off and gelled into toolishness, i just asked for a trim and she just kept on going. When Chris said its the worst haircut I've ever had he wasn't lying.....assuming you just kind of forget that whole 18 year period of my life where I was rocking a rat tail.... but other than that yeah, it is atrocious and I'm glad I'm around you douchers to catch flak for it.  Well, that's it for now. Deuces.

Vegas Pictures Rd. 2..............Fight!

                                       Inside of the Luxor

                                      View of the Mountains

                                  Hard Rock Casino: Where Money is Free

Proof That Chris is in Vegas (too Lazy to rotate it so turn your head to the side or move on. your call.)

                                           The Excalibur

               New York, Concrete Jungle Where Dreams Are Made

                                                 Chris with a Badass View

                              New York New York is a Cool Ass Casino

                                                     Best View of the Strip

                                          The Team In Front of Said View

                   Same Picture, No Flas, Way Less Interesting

         The MGM Grand w/ David Copperfield Looking like an Idiot

                                                         One Big-Ass Lion

                      New York New York Again....Yeah its Cool

Back on the Grind

Thus far, we have been pretty unproductive in the best of ways. Jed and Tanner have been doing a lot of business. When I say a lot, I mean an outrageous amount. I thought that fitting in with this duo would be easy but it seems I needed to have been practicing my business techniques since I was 12 years old. To break down our typical day its about 40% business (Tanner and Jed only), 8% eating, 25% watching tv, 25% making fun of each other, and the last 2% is put towards something productive such as searching for jobs. So far so good.

I will continue to speak about the rest of the weekend and our first Monday. Saturday morning came around and we had an extra pep in our step. We had a great first night in Sin City and we were settling in quite nicely. We first went back to Hard Rock Casino to pick up the money that had been gambled. We immediately found the nearest Bank of America so that we did not have to carry around large sums of cash. Its both very rewarding and extremely terrifying  to carry around lots of money especially when its all we got. We then proceeded to the nearest Sam's Club in order to get the essentials AKA the most bang for our buck. The high quality and nutritious food including kraft mac n cheese, ramon noodles, tuna, hamburgers, etc. were the most popular choices for our kitchenette. Followed by the Sam's run was of course the Walmart venture. We needed things in normal sizes. Instead of 118 hot dogs, we decided that 36 was a more reasonable amount. On the way home, we stopped to try the fast food restaurant known as Jack in the Box. Jed and I had never had it so we wanted to give it a try. Tanner made sure we were aware that it was literally the same as pretty much any other fast food burger and he was in fact correct. But we figured we were here so we might as well try some new things. After returning to the hotel, we emptied the car, filled our cabinets, watched tv (no surprise) and enjoyed a nice hamburger dinner. Yes, we did have a burger for both lunch and dinner. We really like branching out. Saturday evening we went to check out more of the strip. We went to the MGM, New York New York, Excalibur, and Tropicana. MGM was by far the classiest. There was a lion den, with real lions and their lion trainer. It was pretty cool. We ran into some characters on the strip, one guy gave us free pass, drinks and limo to a real high class gentleman's club. We are holding on to those to use at a later date.

Sunday started with a great honey bunches of oats breakfast and then moved on to a day full of NFL. I decided to bet a little money on the Giants to beat the 49ers. And that happened to pan out well for me. Also, Sunday was a day when Tanner literally never left the hotel room besides to feel how cold it was outside for about 30 seconds. Jed and I also ventured to Papa Johns where I was looking for an application to apply to the high level position of a pizza boy. I would say I'm a little over qualified for a job that a 16 year old can get but a jobs a job. 

Today (Monday), has also been filled with the bare minimum. We continued to apply for jobs but my day was mostly filled with watching tv and watching Jed play detective. However, we did make it out of the hotel for a while today. We went to papa johns, super cuts, sonic, gas station and the grocery store. First, Tanner and I dropped off Jed at super cuts. Then we continued to Papa Johns. I waited for about a half hour to speak with the manager. In that time, I met an old lady who seemed to be a washed up, old hooker. She had the fake bright red wig, red nails, and even red penciled eyebrows. As she waited for her pizza, she began talking to me. Turns out she was a very nice woman who was a dealer at the orleans casino. She has been a dealer for over 30 years and she loves it. She gave me a lot of advice for surviving Vegas. I'm glad I met her and she was very helpful. Tanner and I proceeded back to pick Jed up from super cuts. We thought that he would be waiting on us but he was still getting things chopped off his head. We went inside and happened to find Jed with minimal amount of hair. The backs and sides were buzzed and the top was very short. After making fun of all of our old hair dues and Jed's newest hair due, the hair stylist decided to put some gel in Jed's hair. And we quickly found Jed's worst hair cut ever. It was pretty amusing. Then we went to check out food4less, the even cheaper version of Kroger. It was also an experience and rather entertaining. Lastly, on the way home we stopped by to pick up my winnings from the NFL games at the rio and I swiftly gave it right back to the casino in 3 rolls on the roulette wheel. I came out $2 ahead and that's a win for me.

More to come, sorry I'm not sorry for the short story posted above

Hard Rock, Easy Money

So I'm back to recount our first day upon arrival in Las Vegas.  Tanner did an admirable job of storytelling in his most recent post (even though he jacked a couple of my jokes in doing so) so I won't bore you with all the details but rather overview some things and perhaps elaborate on my perspective of a few of the events.

So when last we left our fearless heroes they had just arrived in the city of sin.  On Friday morning we woke up at the ass-crack of dawn which is a new experience for me and one I am quite unhappy with.  We are still slightly jet-lagged from our trip and thus we continue to go to bed early which results in 7AM wake-ups.  I went on this trip to avoid real world things like waking up early and getting a job and damn if that shit doesn't just follow you. Anyway, things went mostly as Tanner said.  Chris worked out shirtless and then because the gym was too full decided to do pull-ups while wearing his backpack filled with stuff. Not heavy shit like bricks mind you, but his med bag and shoes and whatever else was handy.  I mean honestly he's my best friend but that was so damn toolish i was left wondering where his white-rimmed sunglasses were.  I then offered to backpack off his shoulders to give him a real challenge but he immediately pansied out even after talking some mad trash.  After that display of weakness from Chris the team had to then go find a casino so I could do the exact opposite and recklessly backup the mounds of shit I've been talking all of my life.  Tanner covers the rest of the days events pretty well except he forgot to mention that the reason the Hard Rock was so damn neat was that the people working at the MGM casinos were complete asshats.  Hard Rock's people were legit as hell and I will be going back to them this weekend for my next round of betting.  Other than that there is not too much to say.  I love watching people punch each other in the head more than almost anything in the world and getting paid to do it was the nut, not only because free money if the best money but also because I had finally proven that I could do what I've dreamed of doing for years.  Its one hell of a feeling to nut up and chase after your dreams but the feeling once you achieve them is indescribable.  I highly recommend to anyone who is putting off their dreams for the right time to say "fuck that shit" and bail. Life is too short and this feeling I have right now is too damn good.  

Until next time,

Jed

It's a Hard Rock life, for us

Friday. January 20. 2012. This would be the day Jed Meshew would put his money where his enormous mouth was...but we will get to that in a minute. First, a trip to the bank was in order. But before that, the morning. My morning typically consists of waking up, recoiling in horror at the thought of daylight, and then laying in a bed equal parts down and self-loathing for about half an hour before I actually get up and start doing anything even remotely productive. Jeds routine seems to be somewhat similar, just replace the self-loathing clause with pure unbridled narcisism. Chris, on the other hand, apparently uses his dreams to plan his morning workout regime. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that he sleeps with one foot on the floor so as to minimize the time it takes him to roll out of bed and into the push up position. Oh, and he made sure to pack his pull up bar so that he could squeeze even more sweat out of his mornings. Jed and I are lazing about in bed on our respective electronic devices and Chris is just burning calories at a frenzied rate. It creates a very unique dynamic in the house where Jed and I look at each other, think about working out, perform some half assed work out regime, and then just look at Chris and make fun of him for being efficient. Yes, we make fun of him...because it's way easier than doing push ups. Now, the bank trip. In order to make this gambling venture as lucrative as possible, we had to withdraw a hefty sum of money. In cash. You've gotta spend money to make money, as they say, and we were preparing to spend some money. Well, Jed was anyway. Jed got carded twice and had some manager looking lady come by to approve the transaction. Big bawlers, y'all. I really wanted to stand right behind Jed and a little to the right with my left hand conspicuously in my jacket pocket pressing into his back during the whole thing, but I decided against it. No reason to trigger any silent alarms and have to explain to the cops that it was just a joke...I hear that they are not very humor oriented. So, with cash in hand (and by hand I mean Jed's geek squad black tie zippered bag), we departed to the casinos to place the bets. We began our journey at the legendary Mandalay Bay, for surely if any of these casinos had the fights up, it would be the Bay. Unfortunately for us, the Bay onky had 4 of the 10 fights on the card. A quick trip to the Luxor revealed the same fights up. I observed that the Luxor and Mandalay Bay were both MGM casinos and as such, we eliminated the rest of the MGM casinos (aka, half the strip). We returned to the car and Jed suggested the Hard Rock. I quickly mapped out the route and we were on our way to one of the coolest casinos/hotels in Vegas. We dropped Jed off at the front and drove around to find parking. We parked, called Jed to establish a rendevous point, and then set foot into the Hard Rock. Great music, sexy floor girls, and a very cool ambiance greeted us. Also, the Hard Rock came through with all 10 fights on the card. With bets placed and time to kill, we began our exploration of the Hard Rock. One of the first thing we noticed about this particular hotel was the skanks. Scantily clad women were in a great abundance for some reason...and that reason was the Adult Film Expo that was in town and being hosted their. Yes, the Hard Rock was, for a weekend, the Rock Hard. We took in the sights and sounds, made guesses as to how many of the socially awkward, lonely looking men were in town for the Expo, and then headed back out to peruse a few more casinos. We ended up at Caesar's when it was fight time and settled down at the Munch Bar where, lucky for us, it was $7 beer night! Imagine our jubilation. We asked the bar wench (Jennifer Zimmerman, we discovered through much effort) to put it on fuel tv and our day roundhouse kicked into high gear. To avoid a lengthy recap of the fights, something that is better left to Jed, I will just run the highlights. We ended 8-2 overall with a 30% profit on our initial investment. I also learned just how "interesting" money makes things. After closing out our $94 bar tab and watching the last fight, we walked out of Caesar's feeling like the namesake of the casino and returned to our hotel. Friday...was a great day.

Cross-country punners

As previously stated, our 36 hour journey cross country began deep in the bible belt and ended in the city of sin. I am going to attempt to elaborate a bit on the drive. Let me preface this with some advice: if you have the chance to take a 36 hour cross-country road trip with one of your best friends and a guy you've never met, do it. What's the worst that could happen? Sure, you could lose all your money, get stuck somewhere with no car and no cash, maybe even die...but isn't a little adventure worth it? Sack up...you only live once. NOW...the trip. 36 Hours is not a very long time, relatively speaking. 36 hours in a car with 2 other dudes and no stops is the opposite of not a very long time. Yes, no stops means no showers. Sleep was attained piecemeal in the front seat or curled up in the back, laying on the "hanging clothes" that were bunched up back there. In this regard, I had a distinct advantage. You see, I had been sleeping on a hard wood floor for the past week and a distended air mattress for the week prior to that. As such, I slept like a baby in the back while Jed piloted us through the middle of the country. I awoke just before dawn, outside of Amarillo, and gladly offered to take over. I was fortunate enough to see the sun rise in the great state of Texas and witness it set in Arizona. It was amazing. While the majority of the trip was uneventful and Jed has already covered the more noteworthy stops, I feel compelled to share a series of verbal exchanges between myself and Jed. You see, I have an unhealthy love of puns, a love that Mr. Meshew shares albeit to a lesser degree. So when he turned around from the passenger side seat to inquire, "What did Tennessee? The same thing Arkansas!", the proverbial gloves were off. What happened next was an hour of puns based on the names of the 50 states including such gems as, "what did Delaware? A New Jersey!", "I got into a bar fight the other day...I Floored-a nigga.", "my uncle collects dentures...he has a Mass-a-chew-sets.", "Missouri loves company", "look at all this laundry! I feel like im Washingtons of clothes", "sometimes I remember my childhood and I Miss-a-sippy cup"and "did you hear about Louis and that skank? LOU?! Easy Ana?!". Yes...these were spoken aloud. I kinda felt sorry for Chris, the innocent bystander caught in the crossfire of this shootout. This seems like a good stopping point. Stay tuned for a recount of our tour of the casinos, including street hustlers and "club promoters" peddaling their wares.

Pictures from our Journey

                                                                          Travel Prep

                                                           Best Damn Barbecue I've Eaten


                                       
                                                          Put Some South In Your Mouth

                                                                 Beale Street Memphis

                                                        Place Where MLK Was Murdered

                                                         New Mexico: Land of Sepia Rocks

                                                                         Said Rocks

                                                                        More Rocks

                                                                    Even More Rocks

                                The Grand Canyon State Welcomes Everyone, Even Hipster Tanner

                                                          Christopher Howie: Chauffeur

                                                       Hipster Tool Navigator AKA Tanner

                                                          Yeah....You Wish You Were Here

Be Jealous

                                                                          The Team

Our Adventure Begins...

Humble Readers-

This is the first posting of our adventure blog so I suppose I small recap is in order of the events of the past few days.  4 days ago (Wednesday) 3 intrepid heroes finally embarked upon our great journey Westward.  Tanner and I (Jed) packed up the car and left Savannah at 9 AM for a fairly uneventful drive north to Atlanta to gather the 3rd member of our wolfpack.  Upon retrieving Christopher and a quick stop at Jason's Deli our journey began in earnest.  The Coolio gem "Fantastic Voyage" set the tone for what would soon become an awesome trip.  We planned on driving the whole trip in one shot so we didn't make any planned stops however as we neared Memphis it was getting late and we had yet to eat dinner so we decided when in Memphis do as the Romans do and eat high quality barbecue so we stopped and went to Rendezvous, a barbecue joint located down a back alley that Man vs. Food said had some of the best ribs in the world..... They were right.  The ribs were the stone cold nut. Easily the best dry-rub ribs I've ever eaten and both Chris and Tanner will agree with me on that.  The pulled pork was also great so overall a thoroughly enjoyable experience and one I would recommend to anyone else in the Memphis area.  After dinner we were keen to get back on the road but before we could leave Memphis we had to stop by the site of MLK's assassination. It was a little motel right off of downtown and since it was only 2 days after MLK day there was a wreath hanging from the corner where he was shot.  It was kind of cool to see in a weird way. 

After Memphis we hoofed it pretty hard through the night. I took the brunt of the night driving and thanks to copious amounts of Full Throttle I managed to not kill us all by falling asleep at the wheel though to be honest I don't remember too much of the drive.  Arkansas is no peach during the day time but it is roughly 36 times less interesting in he middle of the night. Same for Oklahoma.  How people live in those wastelands of nothing I'll never know but unless you are super into watching grass grow I'd say avoid them. Anyway, as the Sun began to rise I began to crash from all the terrible energy drinks coursing through my veins. Fortunately, Tanner took over right before Amarillo and saved us all from a treacherous car crash. The rest of Texas is uneventful except to say that it is outrageously flat....like white girl ass flat. New Mexico was more interesting. It was like driving into a 1940's TV.  The whole world was sepia.  Everything. There were also some lovely rocks. Arizona was much the same except that eventually the hills had trees on them.  The rest of the trip went by rather quickly and soon we were pulling into the land of hope and dreams and America: Las Vegas Nevada.  I think that's enough to tell from my end for now so it is here that I will leave you.