.......SQUIRREL!

Peoples-


So we are finally back and there is much to talk about so bear with me as this could be a very long posting. We last left our intrepid adventurers on the mean streets of LA. On Friday morning, we woke up a bit later than usual and went to the famous Hollywood Blvd. Immediately upon leaving our car the first person we saw was a large drag queen, a very auspicious start. We mosied up and down the blvd (I will continue to abbreviate it as I don't know how to spell it and I'm way too lazy to google it) and I noticed 2 things. First, LA sure does love some family unfriendly stores as the blvd was infested with more Pot Shops and tons of lingerie places. Secondly, apparently you can take guided tours of A-lister homes. I say apparently with heaping mounds of sarcasm as these guys were literally every 20 yards. There were faaaaar more guided tours sellers than pot peddlers on Venice Beach which is saying a lot. It was highly unfortunate because they were easily the worst part about an already underwhelming strip experience so on the whole Hollywood Blvd was not really worthwhile. However we did eat a pretty solid cheesesteak for lunch with "The Best Lemonade in California" so not all was lost. After Hollywood Blvd we drove back towards town and the other beach with the pier whose name is escaping me right now. It is at this time, while we were at a red light on Crenshaw Blvd, that I got to see my first celebrity of LA: Bill Simmons. For those who don't know he the most read sports writer in America and the mastermind behind ESPN's 30 for 30 series. I'm a fan of his, so it was pretty cool to see him and his dog Rufus. Anyways, we made it down to the Oceanside Pier and walked down it and spent some time sauntering along the beach. The pier was pretty cool, but really not much different than other piers. We grabbed a couple of fish tacos and then went out for the night. The bar we were at was pretty cool but its the first time I've been to a bar with a real bathroom attendant and while I am pro free Reese's, I really don't feel like I need a guy there to distribute hand soap to me after I pee, which I do in increasing amounts when I'm shit-hammered. I ended up tipping him several dollars which cost me at least one more beer there so it wasn't a sound business decision either. But I digress. Whilst we were out with Chris's frat brother's friends, they all got to hear the sad story of one Tanner Lange and all were in equal agreement that this night out needed to serve as a releasing of Tanner back into the wild of the dating scene. Sadly, this went about as well as a Stephen Hawking fighting a Sabertooth  Tiger. Tanner became too drunk to properly interact with people much less hit on women he had never met before. Now I guess I see why zoos don't just let all their specimens free. After the bar failed us miserably in the loose women aspect, we returned to our couches and passed out for the last time in LA. When we woke up, we were a bit hungover and decided to listen to Brent's advice that the best cure to this predicament was a Gatorade and a breakfast burrito so we followed him to his spot and scarfed some delicious 'rittos. It was just the pick me up we needed and gave us the energy to get on the road and make the trek down to San Diego.


Bur before we got to San Diego 2 important things happened. First, the drive was mostly down the coast so we got to look out onto the Pacific for a portion of our drive. It was so pretty that we pulled off to a random road side stop in what became the first of many fortuitous diversions for us. This stop happened to not only have a great view but a plethora of some goddamn adorable ground squirrels living nearby who were very people friendly. We happened to have a couple of sleeves of crackers in our car and since the squirrels were so approachable we got some crackers and started feeding them. One hour and 2 sleeves of crackers later we were still there playing with the squirrels and Tanner and Chris were stopping me from taking one of them home with me. We were grown ass men on a cross country adventure to a totally new side of the country and maybe the most fun I've had on this whole trip was playing with those squirrels. I'm a child and I make no apologies for it. The other important thing that happened was lunch that day. At the recommendation of another of Chris's friends were went to a sandwich shop in Del Mar California called Board and Brew. Simply put, it was a flavor revelation. I'm a man who rocks Baldino's super hard, and it even hurts me a bit to say this, but it was the best sandwich I've ever eaten. Everything about it was perfect and they had this special sweet and sour sauce that just crushed. It was outrageously good and it actually saddens me that I won't get to eat one of those sandwiches again for a long time, if ever. I highly recommend everyone take a trip to the San Diego area just for that sandwich. After the sandwich, Del Mar had some badass cliffs overlooking the ocean so we tooled it around there to digest and hang out. We finally made it out to San Diego and checked into the hotel and went for a nice sushi dinner. Then we went to a local bar to hang out and shoot some pool. It was a chill night out and then we went back and crashed for Chris and I had a big day ahead of us. On Sunday, Chris and I mounted up and headed for the boarder into Tijuana Mexico against the advice of everyone we talked to who claimed it was a dangerous place. Tanner was unable to join us because, as we've already mentioned before, he leads a sad existence and has never left the country before , ergo he lacks both coolness and a passport, the latter of which is required to make it to Tijuana and back. So, Chris and I were solo on our adventure into danger-land...no kicking pants to save us. However, we found Tijuana to be perfectly safe so all was well. we drove around for a bit and then parked the car to adventure on foot and the whole time I was struck by 1: how dirty it was and 2: how different it was. I mean, we were literally 5 miles from our hotel when we were on Revolucion (the main tourist street) and it was like we were in a completely different country....which we were. Everything seemed so.....Mexican. Not in that stereotypical fashion of sombreros and mariachi bands (though those too did exist) but just in that, third worldy color schema or something. I don't know its hard to elocute but we both felt it. After we were done exploring we got in the car and began to head back but then took a wrong turn and ended up going deeper into the land of the Meehicans. We decided to go with it and followed signs that said  "Scenic Road" and found that it was indeed scenic and took us to a small seaside town at the base of mountain. Coming down the mountain we spied this cool looking stadium and decided to drive towards it. It turned out to be a bull-fighting stadium that is open during the summer months so we didn't get to see and maiming but as chance would have it the stadium was right on the US-Mexico border. We were just out looking around and finally took a look at this monument which was designating the border between the 2 countries. We then felt like complete morons for not realizing what the giant ass metal fence was out our right the whole time. we farted around this area for a bit and took lots of pictures. Then we mounted up to get back to hang with Tanner and hit up the San Diego zoo. Sadly, we were under the impression that 5 miles should only take us roughly 20 minutes to get back. However, due to Mexico having no concept of how signs should properly indicate roads we took several wrong turns before finally getting onto the right path back to the states. Sadly, this path was impeded by roughly 1 million other people going the same direction and half the city of Tijuana peddling the most ridiculous wares to the people stuck in standstill traffic. I mean honestly, they just set up stands in the middle of the road and went walking window to window trying to ship some crap. It was equally 50% fresh fruit/food items and 50% weird knickknacks and things like ceramic Hello Kitty piggy banks. Mix in a couple of guys who seemed to just grab whatever was in their house (carpets, baskets, large religious paintings and crucifixes) and it was just outrageous. I was actually a great thing though because getting back to America took for-fucking-ever so at least it gave me and Chris something to amuse ourselves with while we waited. Seriously, it took us almost  hours to cover 4 miles trying to get back in the country. Compare that with the slight speed bump we crossed over being the only impediment to our journey into Tijuana and it seems to me that we are being a little over prepared on the immigration front. Or perhaps they should just have more than 3 booths open when 200,000 people are trying to legally come into your country. Either one. Thankfully we finally made it back to the good ol US of A but we were far too late to hit up the zoo, so instead we tabled that for Monday and instead went out and explored the city some more. We hit up some more beaches and found these awesome rocks which we discovered had some hidden tunnels in them. We then clambered around the jetties and through the tunnels until it got dark and thought it best to leave. If the squirrels were the most fun, then the spelunking was right behind it and I'd have been perfectly content to keep traversing the same pathways over and over but it got dark and we thought it best to do other things as well.  So we drove around downtown and then went to the top of Mt Soledad which has that incredible Ron Burgundy view of San Diego. Up there it really strikes you how big that city is. It sprawls on seemingly forever and creates the best view at night. We tooled around a bit more and finally went home and crashed. Monday was our last day in Cali so we packed up the car and headed to the zoo. It has been a goal of Tanner's for some time to go to the San Diego Zoo and Chris and I were more than game so we ponied up the cash and went. It was great zoo and it was also huge. We saw a ton of things and I have a lot of pictures but there aren't any particularly salient stories that I can remember at least. After seeing all the zoo had to offer we mounted up for our return trip to Vegas and got on the road. We stopped at Board and Brew for an early dinner and it was even better the second time. Seriously, it is cruel that I got to taste those delectable sandwiches and now I don't have them at my disposal all the time. Alas life goes on and so did we, right back to our happy home at the Extended Stay Las Vegas. Wednesday was another fight night and another big win for me so our journey continues for at least one more week. I'll post all our pictures soon but thats enough for the night. Adios amigos.


-Jed

California Love

Peoples-


It's Saturday and Chris, Tanner, and I have spent the last 2 days in the beautiful city of Los Angeles. Its been the nut. Prior to coming here I heard a lot  about how dirty and smoggy it was but after spending some time here I think it gets a bad rap. It is no more dirty than any other large city and I think people are actually just confusing smog with pot smoke, because that shit is everywhere. I know marijuana is legal here but man they beat that thing into the ground. We went to Venice Beach first and immediately headed straight for the ocean. None of us had ever seen the Pacific so that was priority #1. It was a very coalescing moment looking out over the Ocean as I had now quite literally driven coast to coast which is not something everyone has done. I don't know how these guys felt but it gave me a great sense of accomplishment. We walked around the beach and took some pictures which I'll post up here later but, suffice it to say, California beaches are way different than Savannah. It was so weird to see mountains surrounding the sand, and the water was fucking frigid. Seriously, it is 80 degress here but the water feels like an ice bath. After basking in the glow of our awesome success for a time we  mosied our way up to the Venice Beach walkway and quickly were accosted by greened out hipsters informing us that "the doctor is in." Apparently, hackjob MDs with more loan debt than scruples just set up shop in these holes in the wall on the Venice Beach strip and for 40 bucks a pop they will prescribe you a medicinal marijuana card to cure your depression/insomnia/glaucoma/AIDs. And it isn't just one of these places, they are every 100 feet and they're immediately followed by stores selling various stoner paraphernalia. I figured there would definitely be some of that around but after a bit it got sort of ridiculous. Now, originally I had convinced my compatriots to go get one of these licenses with me so we could see one of these secretive weed spots because I thought it would make a great story for the blog, and because when in Venice, do as the dirty hippies do. However, ultimately we decided against that plan as really it was expensive and none of us cared that much,  so sadly no fun stories from the smokers dens. The rest of Venice Beach was certainly worthwhile though as we got to see all of those touristy things that are actually cool like the muscle beach workout gym thingy and the famous skate park. The whole scene was much like Key West or River St. only with more hippies. Seriously, the place was infest with hippies. Apparently Venice Beach didn't get the memo that the hippie movement died 40 years ago. After spending enough time down on the walkway the sun was beginning to set so we decided it was crucial that we watch our first sunset on the ocean and it didn't disappoint. It's just so damn pretty out here. After the sunset we went to meet up with one of Chris's frat brothers who we were staying with in LA to have dinner and go for drinks. We ate at a place called Wahoo's fish tacos and it was legit. Damn good food and this is coming from a man who worked in the seafood business so I know what I'm talking about. After that we had a few drinks at a local bar and then eventually matriculated to Brent's place and crashed. That is all for our first day of  LA. Much more to write but I'm under a time crunch as we are currently off to do more adventuring , however I will leave you with a joke that a young stoner who was sitting on the side of the walkway with a sign reading "Jokes 2 for $1": What do you call 100,000 hippies camping out? I don't know but they're fucking in tents."


-Jed

Weekend Recap

People-


It's been several days since last I blogged so I figured I'd get busy with a weekend recap of sorts. This past weekend was a pretty exciting event for me as I got to attend my first ever live UFC event. When my Dad and I came here for my 21st birthday I managed to score some tickets to the WEC event that was taking place in the Hard Rock but it wasn't quite the same, like going to a Triple A game versus  MLB game. The production value of the event was through the roof and the live experience was definitely worthwhile. I had the best seat in the house, and by that I meant the bloodiest of the nose-bleeds. I literally had my back against the wall, but for MMA events that is actually a good thing as being so far away allowed me an unimpeded view of the action whereas sitting anywhere closer id have to be squinting at the fighters through the cage which isn't the most fun way to watch first hand violence. Anyway, my seats were stellar and the event was actually quite enjoyable. My only real issue with the whole experience was the pervasive, oppressive presence of douchers in the arena. I can say without pause that I was the coolest person in that entire arena, and if no the coolest, definitely in the top 10. Seriously. The place was just filled nuts to butts with people sporting Affliction tees and white-rimmed sunglasses. The sheer number of hats cocked to aggressive angels was baffling and the women these champions of life had accompanying them were equally as whorish as the actual whores that were running around the Hard Rock when the Adult Film Awards were in town. But that's not even the ultimate sadness. The worst part was that a large portion of the people around were well into their 40's ad 50's. Full grown, goddamn adults rocking shitty ass skull and dagger graphic tees and wearing sunglasses indoors, in a pitch black arena at night. When young people do that crap it makes me hate them but at least I can just imagine it is a fad and will be over shortly. When adults do it it legitimately makes me wish I had a James Bond license-to-kill and a bucket of Halo 2 sticky grenades. But I digress..... Other than that, UFC 143 was awesome even though I got jobbed out of several thousand dollars by the piss-poor reffing in the Koscheck-Pierce fight. Oh, almost forgot probably the coolest part of the whole thing. On my way in I was caught up in the bustle of people and as I was looking around I suddenly noticed Roy Jones Jr. happened to be standing immediately to my left. It was cool. I didn't feel like being that awkward guy and asking for a photo so I just told him I was a fan and went on my way. Oddly, nobody else seemed to notice him, another indictment of the people who pass for combat sport fans these days. Ass-hats one and all I say. Ummm, other than that I've got nothing. It was Super Bowl weekend so there were a pile of celebrities in town but I didn't do much of the fanboying. I saw Charles Barkley in the high-roller room at the Mandalay Bay and shook Randy Couture's hand while I was waiting for my ride but that is about it. Other than that not too much to say. Glad the Giants won as Tom Brady being annointed GOAT QB in Indy would have been the worst. Thursday we head to LA, San Diego, and maybe another exciting destintion! Thanks for reading.


-Jed

Just another day

Last week was my first interview on the west coast. I applied for a position titled Servers Assistant Marketing Model at Encore Beach club resort. I was referred to this position by a friend of a friend. I had to fill out an extensive application in order to apply for such a simple position. After receiving confirmation that I was invited to a preliminary interview, the prerequisites for the interview were quite entertaining. Most of it was pretty basic but the best bullet point says, "All model applicants are required to be in Swimwear-dressing rooms will be available – Lifeguards tank top/shorts or board short type beachwear." It was pretty funny to read this and Jed also got quite the kick out of it.


Later that day, I texted the guy who told me to apply for the position and I asked him what the first interview would entail. He told me that they would ask me 2 things. "What's been your most recent occupation?" and ,"What's something interesting about you?" So I figured this would be pretty straight forward. However, I wasn't sure what I should say to make myself stand out. I figured I could say that I played soccer in college or something like that but I didn't think that would be enough. Jed and his wild imagination with out thinking twice said, " You should say something outrageous like you flew around the world in a hot air balloon." I, of course, thought it was also outlandish and maybe impossible. So we researched it and apparently several people have flown around the world in an air balloon. Jed quickly convinced me to go with the hot air balloon as my most interesting fact about myself. I figured it can't hurt and its not going to be an in depth interview so I can easily pull it off.


When I went to the interview, I was surprised by the amount of people that were there. It was probably a couple hundred people but apparently they were interviewing for several other positions as well. As soon as I walked in, it was like walking into the Jersey Shore. It was a bunch of guido, huge dudes and a lot of good looking girls. I had to check in right when I got there which was the best part. I had to fill out a little card with my name, position, number and picture... I had to get in line and wait to take my picture. Not a normal picture but a picture in my bathing suit and bathing suit only. It was definitely different than most interviews I've been a part of but interesting nonetheless. 


After taking a photograph, I waited for my turn to speak with a small group. I waited about an hour and a half before I stood in front of a small committee. Before going in, I was told to say my name, position applied for, recent occupation, and an interesting fact. So I got up there gave them my card and proceeded. After telling them that the most interesting fact about myself was, " two summers ago when my uncle took me  around the world in his hot air balloon." They were pretty shocked to hear this fact and I received multiple questions such as, "how long did it take? and where did you stop? and How much fun was it?" I proceeded to answer all these questions with, "It took about a month. Stopped in 12 different countries. And it was the time of my life." I like to think after Jed's idea and my implementation that I left a lasting impression. However, I have not heard back from them yet but hopefully 2nd interview will be soon.




- Hard work beats talent when talent is working very hard

I'm an Ass. Man.

So...open mic night! Unfortunately, open mic night was full up and I got put on standby. There was only a small chance they'd be able to squeeze me in and it would be at the end. The thought of sitting through another 2 hours of mediocre comedy was unexciting at best but sacrifices have to be made for one's dreams. It was at that moment that I realized that Chris and Jed, although they have a weird way of showing it, are both great friends. Only true friends would weather that storm of potentially awful jokes that was about to rain down on us. I was unable to take the stage but in a fortuitous turn of events, actual talented comics showed up! Jed's night was made when one of the black comics called me gay for my cowboy boots. Haters gonna hate. Earlier that day I had an interview at my old stomping ground, Sonic. I got the job on the spot...the only thing syanding between me, a mediocre paycheck, and the well worn title of Assistant Manager (Ass. Man.) was a "health card" that the state of Nevada requires foodhandlers to have. So, being the motivated and hard working gentleman I am, I looked up the nearest health department location and high tailed it over there. $50, 3 hours, and a Hepatitis A shot later I was locked in for work the next day. Imagine my ecstasy! Someone has to show these fuckin bums what responsible adults do. On a side note, I have full faith that if I work as much as I did in Georgia, I will be bilingual by the end of the year. I felt like I was in a Rosetta Stone commercial...not that that is a bad thing, mind you. Spanish is a groovy language. Friday was my first day, and what can I say? Same shit, different zip code. I will say that this franchise group seems to be much more employee friendly than the previous group I sweated and bled for. So that's nice. Next weekend we are taking a trip out to the west coast to see California and, well, the coast. How many people can say they have driven coast to coast? Add three after next weekend. We are still working on the show and will keep you guys updated when there are updates worth sharing. As always, thanks for reading and be sure to check back after next week for our riveting tales of California. Oh, and be sure to harangue Chris in the comments for not posting in forever.

UFC Open Workout Photos

I'd like to preface this post by saying that a vast majority of our readers will find this one thoroughly un-entertaining.  I've currently got a lot of photos saved that have yet to go up so I'm going to post them now in lieu of other interesting stories which are currently wanting. However, most of these photos going up are from earlier today when I went to the UFC Open Workout which was held in the Mandalay Bay this afternoon in advance of the event I will be attending this weekend. to ll 5 of you who enjoy fightsport, hope you like the pics. To the rest, sorry I don't have anything more interesting this time but hey, at least I'm not offending anyone.

I used to think I was an attractive man until I took this picture. Now I know better. Also, Roy Nelson is the smallest Heavyweight in the world but his mullet is majestic.

This is Nate Diaz walking off the mat after doing demo grappling with his brother.

Nate Diaz again standing there going over things with a trainer.

Nick Diaz in the media scrum answering questions.

I moved up to get closer to the action. Nate Diaz talking to some ESPN heads.

Some of the UFC posters hanging from the rafters. These were posters of other events held at the Mandalay Bay.

Nate Diaz and Roy Nelson goofing around while Nate waits for his brother to finish up with the media. The media heads hounded Nick for damn near 2 hours.

Josh Koscheck stepping on to the mat. He didn't actually do any work. He just talked with reporters and then the fans.

This is the tool who was all over twitter for trying to fight another MMA media guy at the Open Workout....so damn lame.

Fabricio Werdum hitting the mitts.

Nick Diaz came around and signed autographs and took some photos. He was nice enough to do it but you could tell he wanted to get out of there ASAP.

Fabricio Werdum signed autographs and kicked it with the fans for a bit. He was a really cool dude and spent a fair amount of time making sure all the fans were satisfied. He is also a very large man. The size difference between him and Nelson is huge.

Mike Pierce hitting the mitts. Pierce's workout was by far the longest. He spent about 30 minutes hitting mitts and running transitions. It was slightly odd because Koscheck was there basically the whole time he was doing the workout. At first he was doing the press thing but then when that was done he spent a decent amount of time just hawking Pierce, and you could tell Pierce knew it.

Josh Koscheck came around after he was done birding Pierce. He was much more personable than I would have imagined.

Carlos Condit was the last to hit the mat. He hit mitts for about 15 minutes and then that was it. After that they had all the fans leave before any of us got a chance to take photos with Carlos. He hit the shit out of those mitts though. It's gonna be a great fights Saturday and I'm super-stoked to be going.

Open Mic Night

One of the reasons that I decided to come out here to Vegas with Jed was to pursue my dream of being a stand-up comedian. It has always been something that I've wanted to do but Savannah/Hinesville, Georgia are not exactly environments conducive for starting a career in comedy. So tonight, Chris and Jed accompanied me on a recon mission. The three of us scouted one of the local bars that hosts comedy open mics. Our reasoning was twofold: I wanted to see what the open mic scene was all about and, well, we didn't have anything else to do....so what the hell, right? This was my first experience with open mic comedy and the only thing I have to say is, "wow." The twelve or so comics that got onstage dropped more bombs than the Luftwaffe on their blitzkrieg campaign of London. There were like one and a half good comics. No joke (lol) our bartender was funnier than most of the comedians. I will say though, it must've taken a lot of resolve to finish the set when NO laughs were being had. So, hats (all 5 of them) off to them for that. I am glad that we went. It gave me the confidence and information I need to get onstage...Thursday is likely to be the day I pop my open mic cherry. Wish me luck!